SAVAGE RHUB

I used to think love was how you feel about someone. I thought it was when you feel butterflies in your stomach and you can’t breathe!

I thought love was when you couldn’t stay a day without your partner or go a day without thinking about them.

I thought having sex with that person was love or will make you feel loved.

I thought love was when you feel and think about someone to the point that you can’t resist or you are too obsessed over the person.

I used to think love conquers all, because that is what they make us believe in movies but you see is not like that in real life.

From the time we were born we are inundated with the belief that love is a feeling and that when you find “the one” you’ll sense it in your gut and be overcome by an undeniable sense of knowing.

If love is not a feeling, then what is it?

Love is action. Love is tolerance. Love is learning your partner’s love language and then expressing love in a way that he can receive. Love is giving. Love is receiving. Love is patient.  Love is kind. 

Love is selfless. Love is hopeful. Love is respect. Love is support.

Love is recognizing that it’s not your partner’s job to make you feel alive, fulfilled, or complete; that’s your job. And it’s only when you learn to become the source of your own aliveness and are living your life connected to the spark of genius that is everyone’s birthright can you fully love another.

Love is many things in different colours, in different circumstances.  You do not have to love, you choose to love. I think, it is when you feel you are falling out of love that is when you are really beginning to love. Real love does not have its roots from the feeling of love, instead when you are lacking that feeling.

You don’t have to encourage it, or welcome it, but you better learn to suck it up from time to time. We have mythologized love to such an extent that people are no longer prepared for the realities of long-term relationships. We are taught that it is good not to compromise, not to put up with anything we don’t like, not to sacrifice our own beliefs for anyone or anything.

Yet compromise and sacrifice are the cornerstones of marital love. Sugarcoat it in anyway, if you respect and support each other without any expectation of something in return or if each person is primarily valued for the relationship itself- not for their job, status, appearance, success or anything else, then give yourselves some love.

Love is a grace we give one another.

Love is sometimes effortful, but it’s not based on someone else’s effort.

Love is what happens when we open our hearts and allow the love that naturally lives inside to flow forth.

Love, by its very definition, is unconditional.

Love is a gift.

Love is why we’re here.

They say women are complicated and don’t really know what they want. Women are said to have long books of complications. Women are complicated but at least they can be seen through easily.

There are so many books and articles on how to understand a woman but few on men. I think men are more complicated than women, which is why there are few solutions on how to understand them.

A man will say he doesn’t want his girlfriend to care too much but has a problem if she tends to be carefree. As a girlfriend, you are the first to say good morning to him and the last person you talk to before sleeping. His need is your need and you always want to be in his good books but then, he complains you care too much. Caring for him might not be an act, so you go through a lot just to not really care again, and now he complains or starts to act up. WHAT DO THEY REALLY WANT?

A man will tell his girlfriend he doesn’t like to be asked too many questions, especially the question “where are you?” but that’s the first question they ask when they call. Most men don’t like questions not for any genuine reason but for the fact that they can’t be consistent and also makes them feel they are being too open and plain with you. His girlfriend stops asking questions and he complains she acts too naive and again carefree. Amazing Creatures right! lol!

WHAT THEY REALLY WANT?

TO FEEL LIKE YOUR HERO

Every man wants to feel like the hero, to save the day. They don’t want to be your Clark Kent but your Superman. Sometimes, give them that opportunity or create that opportunity for him to feel he saved the day.

ACCEPTANCE

Men also need some loving. Because they NEED to feel that when they stack the dishes in the sink like a five year-old, say the wrong thing in front of your friends, leave the toilet seat up, get too logical, forget something you’ve said a thousand times, that you love them anyways. Because inside every man is a boy who forgets he’s a man sometimes. And every boy gets into things, not because he’s bad but because he’s got a curious mind. Unconditional support from a woman is what will snap them out of their boyish behavior and inject them with a desire to be a stronger man. Only when you accept them as they are, who they are, will they want to become someone better.

NOT TO BE LEFT IN THE DARK

Many women don’t tell their men how they feel because they don’t want to rock the boat, or they’re afraid. The truth is when you don’t express yourself, you leave men in the dark. They don’t really know the truth of you. You are prepackaging and presenting parts of your life instead of doing your whole life with them.

THE C-WORD

Effective Communication! Without it, relationships are built on sand. A man wants his partner to communicate directly not give clues. Spell out what you want clearly, don’t beat about the bush or give attitude and expect him to understand. He is not a soothsayer to read your mind. If you want them to want to do the dishes, OK, then tell them. Explain and model how you would like them to communicate back.

For many man, communication is not a speciality. They need some guidance. Generally speaking, men tend to pull from a logical place. Women pull from an emotional place. If you can meet them at logic, they will match your emotions, hopefully. But they need you to tell them.

TO HAVE THEIR OWN LIVES

Men may not say it, because how do you tell the person you love to get a life? But they really want their partner to have their own life. Really, men want their partners to have their own set of friends, activities, and passions. Of course your husband or boyfriend want to be supportive of everything you care about and be a part of anything you would like them to be a part of, but they want you to have your own identity.

All in all, my advice to all women is: DO EXACTLY WHAT A MAN SAYS YOU SHOULD NOT DO (not the bad behaviours and attitudes, but that cute thing he discourages you from doing). Whatever you do that he complains about, actually gets to him and makes him soft, therefore, he doesn’t want to seem vulnerable. Don’t worry, he will stop complaining.

See also   5 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR MAN LAST LONGER IN BED

Funke snooped through her boyfriend’s phone and found something she didn’t like. She’s been obsessing over it for days, wondering whether that EMOJI was really just a friendly one. “Does it look suggestive? Do you think he’s really watching football? Or is he with that girl from work that he sent that EMOJI to?”

First you’re using your girlfriend’s phone to check the scores while she picks out an outfit for dinner. Then you’re scrolling through her texts. Next thing you know, you’re practicing your ninja skills every time she leaves the room—you silently summersault over to her phone at lightning speed, just to see if anything is amiss. Meanwhile, your heart hammers as you listen for her footsteps coming down the hall. Be warned: if she doesn’t get you, the anxiety of getting caught will.

We’re all a little quirky. Our phones have become a diary for our weirdness. We have silly pictures to cheer us up on a bad day, notes in the notebook app, inside jokes with friends, and many more.

Snooping will end you up in learning things about yourself that you didn’t want to know; Remember that time Jimmy really pushed your buttons because he watched Kumkum Bhagya without you? In the heat of the moment you text your best friend a ton of horrible things that you didn’t really mean but had to say—like how he’s a rotten, TV spoiling jerk with no feelings.

Well, unless you want to hear about all of your flaws, you’re better off not snooping.

In the world of smart phones, dating is a whole new game. We text instead of call. We find perfect matches with the swipe of our thumbs. We start and end relationships by pressing “send”.

Where are the boundaries? With the simple press of a button, you have access to everything your loved one does on their phone- every tweet, text, email, and phone call.

Sure, you are curious. But should you peek? YES! or NO!

The truth to a successful relationship is trust. When you start dating someone, you aren’t just trusting them to be physically faithful anymore. We also expect them to refrain from unfaithfulness when we aren’t looking. The central question to dating nowadays is, can you fully trust someone unless you know what they are doing on facebook or who they are texting? There is no concrete answer, but it is certainly an interesting concept to grapple with.

Every couple has their own protocol for what level of communication is appropriate. Some couple hardly question or think about their partner’s texting and online habits. Some couple too feel the need to know exactly where their partner is and who they are speaking to at all times. The capital offense is snooping through one another’s text messages when they are unauthorized to do so.

I believe that the root reason people go through one another’s phones is more than “curiosity.” I think those who feel the need to go through their partner’s phone are doing so because they aren’t entirely convinced their partner is trustworthy. These hunches seem to be overwhelmingly verified once they go through their partner’s phone but shouldn’t a relationship be based off of an underlying level of trust that is strong enough to stop you from going through their messages?

The unfortunate thing about texting is that sometimes fairly innocent conversations can be perceived as far worse than they really are.

Our virtual lives should be kept private. You shouldn’t have to explain why you answered someone’s text or call. Couples end up arguing about random texting conversations that meant nothing. I think invading our partner’s privacy by going through their messages causes far more harm than good. Innocent things cause arguments.

If you find out your partner is lying or cheating, suddenly you are guilty of invading their personal phone which isn’t a small offense either.

All in all, my personal opinion is that you have no grounds, no matter what the situation is, to go through your partner’s phone. If you are overwhelmingly suspicious that something is going on between your partner and someone else, should you really be with that person anyways?

Relationships are about trust. It takes a long time to build this trust, and just a moment to destroy it. Don’t let that moment be you snooping through your loved one’s phone.

As scary as it can be to place your heart in someone’s hands and trust them not to break it, it’s well worth building a strong, trusting relationship. Besides, would you want your significant other to invade your privacy? Not a chance!

Respect each other’s boundaries and build your relationship on a solid foundation of trust.

Agree? Disagree? Leave your comments

5 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR MAN LAST LONGER IN BED

As a woman, you must know how to make your man happy in bed. You should be able to control him in bed for your pleasure and his pleasure too. These are 5 ways to get your man up and running for as long as you want. Sexual drugs are not the solution, you are!

NB: A THICK CONDOM CAN BE ANOTHER BEST OPTION!

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